a paradise to call her own

she had once thought of living a different world.
a place that is only and entirely herself;
she wanted blackness and silence
that made her believe would make her favor her quality of life.

She would give and give up everything
just to be in a sanatorium.
to live carelessly like a mental person
and behave freely like "it";
to be tranced furthermore ad infinitum lose lucidity;
for other people wouldn't care because she is after all,
afflicted with insanity.

she'd often wondered in between might have beens
she'd be curious in all manners why
for every fruit ripens,
for every road leads to anew;

she'd admire secrets in which
for every sunset comes the moonlight,
for every smile follows a river of tears,

she'd pondered randomly
for every flower blooms
for every cessation of a heartbeat starts with a breath and a cry,

she'd wondered the perplexities in which
for every kiss brings death.
she'd wondered
if she'll be held once more and be wrapped in his smell.

my rubbish insomniac outburst

Im a little out of sorts today; well, not just today. sort of outta the loop for the past couple of months. I can't seem to have things run smoothly. Something is definitely off. This cumbrous substance in our lives causes me to descend into the occasional melancholic rationalization. And getting through it everyday is an uphill battle.


The not so funny thing is, I have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people and for some moronic reason, I can't bring out the best in me; which leads me into a conclusion: could it be that a desire of a company or the mere act of possessing one is what I/we need in order to transpire that distinctive essence of ourselves? OR is it up to us to free ourselves from inhibitions? who knows, maybe THAT element is just waiting to be discovered.


I know its not healthy to go back and start taking medications. I am just hoping that i can outthink this massive depression. I have been getting enough of it and i am sick of it all. Meanwhile I have to bask myself for changes, shun all the dreadful thoughts at the back of my mind and stay focused on the unravelling road ahead.

the bane of her existence

The room sat in perfect stillness.
But she keep spinning.. spinning into a whole new realm.

She tried to conjure up an image, but there was none.
What is taking him?

Strange thing.. TIME.
When needed most, the more it befriends,
or worse;
Weds selfishness.

Time was their enemy.
Time was all they needed.
Timing was everything; or so they say.

Perhaps love lost interest on her;
He lost interest on her.
Possibly.

He was all she wanted and she took him away.
She was to blame, was she not?

She cannot go beyond what is right,
Can she not?

- No, i am not sure. for i understand only a little.

the last ditch

we often fool ourselves into thinking we can keep our lives occupied and numb our feelings while taking comfort in the hope of a soul's promise of love, of happiness, and of something we seek and apparently cling to--security. oftentimes we get confused and hung up beyond question (not that we can help it), the difference sprawls in how we live through the temporary misery.

but how do we weather the suffering when that soul sanctimoniously mutilated us? its like an obscuring haze. when it sets in, its astonishing how dense and impenetrable it seems. we become utterly helpless or inept. i feel, and much of the grief that is inflicted on me arises mainly from people who think they're entitled to disregard others of its kind. we take pride of them and this is what we get.

i am disabled. i cannot function well. sometimes i don't even know why i exist. can anybody please tell me what is fair?

perhaps some people are never meant to be happy. *sigh*

la vita è bella

non ho pensato mai che potrei trovare la pace della mente che eravate qui tutti avanti. non ho pensato mai che potrei vedervi qualcuno che lo ameranno più per che cosa sono, che cosa io ho pensato alle cose per fare per mostrarvi il mio amore per, ma indovino che che argomenti più è che il mio cuore è allineare a voi il mio cuore manterrà sempre sull'amarli non li lascerò andare.

nothingness

Shhh… don’t listen.
Because whenever I speak, you were never focused.

Look. But keep your eyes shut
Because whenever I show you my soul you cannot differentiate.

Taste, But don’t savor it.
Think, But don’t contemplate.
Feel, But don’t live through it.

For the reasons that I am insensible, undeserving, insignificant
and ethereal, OR AM I?

but can you identify?

drunken carnival of hate

How disappointing when a stranger unjustly overestimates its kind.
Tell me, who ate your heart? You’re cold inside.
Is there a discreet impression you ought to unleash?
Was it despair or perhaps desertion?
How long have you been tortured by passion? has it been a month? a year? all your life?

Heed, stranger. I’ll take you away from all the cynics in this world. Will you? Or won’t you go with me?